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There are things I only remember when I’ve had a migraine, and it’s March or April, and it smells like rain.
There are things that run through my head endlessly on a timer, and it’s just the stupidest crap.
And I’ll never remember what I felt writing this song, and whatever it was didn’t last very long.
‘Cos things always change, even when you desperately want them to remain exactly the same.
Seems I get one thing a year to remember.
I wish that I could pick and choose which one to keep.
I’d choose her three-year-old laugh.
(And not the time The Microphones played in my living room.)
Could I write in a diary? (There’s no doubt that you could.)
Could I take lots of photos? (Yes, you definitely could have.)
Could I blog like crazy? (Or bother blogging at all.)
Could I capture everything? (Any one of those things.)
But the fact remains: when I see my past on a screen it makes me sad.
It’s like I’m watching TV.
It’s like it’s somebody else.
Seems I get one thing a year to remember.
I wish that I could pick and choose which one to keep.
I’d choose her three-year-old laugh.
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2. |
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Everything feels off.
Maybe we should take a trip.
My everyday places are making me so sad.
Intractable problems.
We only make them worse and worse.
By doing the things we do as often as we do.
Trying harder.
Always trying harder.
You can get a disorder, and
You'll never know why.
What should we do about a thing I like about myself?
A thing that also happens to be hurting me?
The dumb things I used to think.
My reductionist twenties were like an internet debate
I lost twenty posts ago.
Trying harder.
Always trying harder.
You'll wreck your well-being, and
You'll never know why.
There is something always hanging 'round
The back of your mind, and it
Doesn't love you
Doesn't even like you.
It's making noise for no reason at all.
The most important things in life are cliched.
Some are even cross-stitched on your aunt's wall.
Trying harder.
Always trying harder.
All your organs will fail, and
You'll never know why.
There is something always hanging 'round
The back of your mind, and it's
Grating.
Nagging.
Stop returning its calls.
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3. |
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I do not believe (I trust every word.)
What you're constantly (Unquestioningly.)
Telling me to see. (You're persuading me.)
I'll never agree. (Had me at "let's talk".)
People never change. (Actually they do.)
Never ever change. (Changing all the time.)
So set in their ways. (Chasing every craze.)
Don't learn from their mistakes. (Almost learn too well.)
I'm so fragile, I crumble from half-sincere “I Love You”s.
I'm so strong, I'll keep living long after there's any reason to.
I should be doing more. (You need time to rest.)
There's always more to do. (This will not end well.)
I'm trying to progress. (Don't take that too far.)
I have to do my best. (Do you all the time?)
There will always be (There'll always be what?)
Things we cannot see. (How can we know that?)
Things we can perceive (Yes, obviously.)
Not empirically. (Obviously not.)
I'm so fragile, I grumble when I get told what to do.
I'm so strong, I'll keep going long after there's any reason to.
Karen, how did you know what was important?
Karen, how did you manage to live a life
Where you found your joy
In hardly thinking one thought of yourself?
So fragile.
So strong.
So set in my ways.
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4. |
I Live My Boring Dreams
02:59
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Let me set the scene
I’ve been dreaming boring dreams.
My subconscious cannot be bothered with fantasy.
I have never flown, though
Once I sorta glided.
Sure enough, the next night I spent doing jumping jacks.
Is this finally what pragmatism’s gotten me?
I vote center-left and chose my major sensibly.
A challenge that I could do.
Let me set the scene
I’ve been dreaming boring dreams.
Spending all night looking around for my duffle coat.
These boring dreams are all of a single theme:
All’s a problem solved by something just out of reach.
Is this finally what growing up has done to me?
I’m quite concerned with electability.
I get annoyed when people speak unabashedly, but
Only when I disagree.
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5. |
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It feels swell to do something well, but
We should try, Lorelai, to just be good.
It’s so great to get accolades, but
We should try, Lorelai, to just be good.
I would rather have one boring, fat dad
Who gives everything for his children than
Ten aspiring poets.
Art’s the best, but not if you’re too obsessed.
It could help you become someone who is not so good.
Feels so great to make something great, but
Better to rhyme “great” with “great” than not be good.
I would gladly trade Ok Computer and Kid A
For a teacher in Topeka whose
Kids feel truly loved.
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6. |
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Why do I spend my time arguing with a lion?
If I just let it be, I will be happier.
No one's minds really change.
Dear friends become estranged.
If I just let it be, I will be happier.
But what if I see someone who lies about the poor and people fleeing war?
Then I will say something.
Though it won't change them, saying nothing will change me.
Winding up all the time.
Arguing in my mind.
If I just let it be, I will be happier.
So many clearly wrong, I could type at them all day long.
But if I just let it be, I will be happier.
But what if some dumb manchild says, women's foremost worth lies in childbirth?
Then I will say something.
Though it won't change them, saying nothing will change me.
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7. |
The Wrong Skills
03:39
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My thoughts, most days, barely exist at all.
Not consciously.
Most things I say come more from reflex than deliberation.
There's just so much I can't resolve by Googling.
So many things with no right answer that I have to get right.
My thoughts just spin and most of the time I don't do anything.
It doesn't help.
They run on an endless loop, below everything else.
My life and yours.
These thoughts, they just get in the way.
I guess they've been hurting me for years, and
I just didn't know.
And every morning we must fight just to make it out of bed.
And we know that our lives are killing us.
Slowly, but still.
My thoughts, sometimes, when I can take some time to work with them,
Come out just fine, but they can be obscured by unrelated things.
The skills I have are wrong for the most important things.
And if I fail at them, well then I have failed, full stop.
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8. |
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Differentiated
Initialization
Identifiable
Beneficiary
Capitalization
Responsibility
Rehabilitation
Invisibility
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9. |
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A late October night.
I don't feel much like anything.
I'm pacing ‘round our house.
I just want to see you happy, and
Doing something that you love.
So I can check in on you, and
I can see you smile.
I'm wondering again if I saw us ten years from now
Would it make me so sad?
But would future me be fine?
I'm guessing so.
I think I'll let her handle this.
She seems to have it figured out.
I'll try not to get in the way.
There's a fight that's going on between her and I.
She's telling me that I should calm down.
There's a fight that's going on between her and I.
She's telling me to calm the hell down.
She's got this.
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10. |
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Is that all that's left to do?
To work so I won't have to work
When I'm too old to work anymore.
It doesn't seem like much.
Sometimes it's enough just to be alive.
Wasting time watching a show you like is a miracle.
Wasting time playing a video game is a miracle.
Wasting time staring off into space is too.
Is that why I'm sticking around?
To work so I can stay alive for the
Last small part of this life.
It almost makes no sense.
Sometimes, I have a few hours
Where I can just let myself be
Conscious, relaxed, and content
And just a little dumb.
Even when the good and higher pursuits fail:
Wasting time doing whatever you want is a miracle.
Wasting time reading a listicle is a miracle.
Wasting time wasting time is too.
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11. |
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The first draft of this song
Was way too sad to sing and so I'm singing this.
I'll give you all a clue:
There's nothing wrong.
Most of us get over this.
The next draft of this song
Was way too sad to hear, so now you won't hear it.
I'll give you all a clue:
It's a good thing.
Most of us agree.
It's fine because it happens to everyone.
It's fine because there's no other way.
It's fine because imagine it not happening.
It's fine because it has to be fine.
It's fine because it happens to everyone.
It's fine because it's kind of the point.
It's fine because imagine it not happening.
It's fine because it has to be fine.
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12. |
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I'm in my cube and I'm gettin' all choked up
Listening to Michael Stipe
Talking to someone on an NPR podcast
Hoping no one passes by.
I didn't know that I loved anything after Green.
Guess I do!
I was sixteen when Automatic came out.
I didn't rate it so high.
Now when I hear it, I can barely keep composed.
Yeah, even when I hear “Drive.”
All of these songs that I skipped as a kid are killing me.
So weird.
25 years may as well be a billion.
When you're at work it's not a good idea to hear
A song you haven't heard for a billion years.
When you're sixteen and you're me and you're sheltered
For all you know, no one hurts.
What seemed really trite's now so real you can't take it.
And crying at work is the worst.
What do I say when my co-worker comes up to me?
"Sorry dude, R.E.M.'s really good."
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The Very Most Boise
We're an indiepop band from Boise, Idaho. Some folks think we're neat.
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